What In The?
by XxXxSlytherinPrincessxXxX
Summary: She's finally got her dream, her husband may be on the verge of killing her, her daughter may be sent from hell, but years of being a workaholic has paid off, now there's only one person who could ruin it all for her, and that's exactly what he does. R
1. Why Are Elevators So Messed Up?

**What In The...?**

AN: This just came to me after reading a particularly funny Fred/Hermione comedy, I just had to get it down :) Enjoy!

Chapter 1 - **Why are elevators so messed up?**

Ah, finally. Peace and quiet. I'm on my way to my favorite place in the world, my office. You would think that I would have a better place to calm down and be myself in, well, let me just tell you something, you're wrong.

I literally hate every other bloody place in this dratted world. I hate my house, it's filthy thanks to my pig of a husband, it's filled with the smell of diapers thanks to my demon child, and it constantly has the most irritating symphony playing in the background of every room you go into thanks to our lovely friend, Mr. Potter, who in an attempt to put my before-mentioned demon child to sleep, cast a charm around the nursery room, but it went terribly wrong. Obviously.

So now, the only other place worthy of a mention is my office, my wonderful, trust-worthy, _clean_ office. It's free of wretched smells, there are no unfailingly annoying people in it _and_ I have complete undisputed control everywhere within a mile of my 100 square-feet work-place. It was a heaven for me, it _is_ my heaven.

Wait a minute, why is the lift door opening again? No one is supposed to be in the Ministry yet. What retard, besides myself of course, would come into work at _5:50_ in the morning? I have every reason to, I have just been received the opportunity of a lifetime; finally, after years of exceptionally hard back-breaking work, I was offered the position of Head of the Auror Office. I was promoted last Friday, and today, Monday, my first day as Head, I decide to get off to a good start, so sue me.

Woah, hold on a second, _who is that_? What on earth...is that...red hair? Oh god, please don't tell me that tyrant is taking over this part of my life too! Wait, no, that's not Ron...that man is taller, much taller. And he's not fat...and he can see his toes. Who_ is _that_?_

Holy...is that...? Is that really...?

He's walking towards me, he's about to enter the lift with me...damn. What is _he_ doing here? Is he here for a trial? Has he become a criminal? Dear god, I never knew he had it in him to actually _hurt_ people, other than Umbridge of course, that woman, though in her 50's, still has scars on her face.

He's smiling. That can't be good. WHY IS HE SMILING? HE'S ABOUT TO BE SHIPPED OFF TO AZKABAN! Here he comes...

He's standing next to me, Merlin, he smells good. And his hair...he combed it. He actually _combed_ it. Why is he wearing a suit? Since when does anyone wear a suit to a _hearing_? If you're going to prison anyway, what's the point in looking good? Really good...

"Aren't you a bit young for those shoes?"

_WHAT?!_ You haven't seen someone in _15_ years, and _that's_ the first thing you say to them? Who the hell does he think he is? Damn, how is someone supposed to reply to something like that? Think, Hermione..come on! THINK!

"Aren't you a bit too immature for a tie?" Why would I say that? I just sound like a prat...a stupid picky prat.

"Touche." He nods and looks away.

What the hell is his problem?

"So why'd you do it?" He asks me.

Somehow I know what he's talking about...but I don't want to seem like I still know what he's thinking...I'm not supposed to feel that way about him anymore. So I play dumb, what else am I supposed to do?

"What are you talking about?" I snap, trying to gain control of my rising temper.

"Why'd you marry that git? Why'd you bother _settling_ with him when you could have anyone else?" I knew it, he wouldn't try playing around it, he'd get straight to it, oblivious of anyone else's feelings, as usual.

"Excuse me? What business is that of yours?" I attempt to put on my best 'you're-an-idiot' voice, I think I failed.

"Well he is my brother." Okay, I wasn't expected that, one of the last things he told me before he disappeared was that if I were to ever accept Ron's _so very generous_ offer, he would refuse to acknowledge him as anything more than a girlfriend-stealing, idiotic, dim-witted git.

"Still, maybe if you asked ten years ago, I may still have had a little more than a shred of respect left for you to answer you." Bringing back the past, that's all I can do. What else am I supposed to say? I vowed to never share pleasantries with this man...ever. I can't very well break that, now can I?

"If I could, I would, trust me. It just so happens that I wasn't even aware that you two were engaged."

"Is that so?"

"Yes."

"Well, that makes me feel better." I try to hide the sarcasm in my voice, he falls for it.

"Really?"

"No."

"Oh."

What the hell is this?

"So you're not going to tell me?"

"Tell you why I married your brother?" This time I don't hide the snide-y-ness in my voice, he has to know some way or another that this is _not_ going to end like all our other arguments.

"Yes."

"No, I'm not." I look straight ahead...why is the lift moving so slowly?

Merlin, it's gone up _three floors_ in the past two minutes. What is going on here?

"Are you willing to trade for the answer?" He asks me.

What's he going on about _now_?

"No idea what you're talking about." Honesty, that's the key to everything, even to piss people off.

"If I tell you why _I'm_ here, will you tell me who hoodwinked you into thinking that darling Ronald deserves you?"

"How dare you! I'll have you know that I am _perfectly_ happy with Ron, he takes care of me, he has enough money to supply all four of us - " Damn, that wasn't supposed to slip out.

The Weasley's face pales.

"Four? You have _two_ kids?" The pain in his voice is evident, it's almost enough to make me feel bad about myself...almost.

"Yes. A 7 year old boy and a 17 month old girl." My words are crisp and sharp, this is making me feel uncomfortable.

Talking about my kids to an ex is not the smartest thing to do. Why am I still even talking to him? Why is _he_ talking to _me_?

"Congratulations."

"Only not."

Why did I say that? Hermione Granger, _why are you such a moron??_

"What was that?" He looks at me again.

What do I do, what do I say? Should I tell him what monsters my family is made up of? Other than Johnny, he's an angel. He's the only thing keeping me sane.

No, it is definitely _not_ his business. If he's having second thoughts, that's _his_ problem, his fault. He's not allowed to regret his choice. Why am I even considering telling this guy what's been going on in my life? He doesn't deserve to know, he wasn't there, he's no longer a friend.

"Nothing." I cover up the doubt in my voice, even though I know I can trust him, that's not the point. He may have left me, he may have abandoned me, he may have left me to his hell-sent brother, but he knows how to keep his mouth shut. He's never told anyone what I've told him not to, but that never stopped him from mocking me about it. I know I won't be able to stand it if he rubs it in my face what a failure my family life is.

He doesn't say anything, why isn't he speaking? This isn't like him...wow, he's finally learned how to accept defeat. I look at him, I can't help myself? His face his hard, he's frozen. He's probably got the gist of my hidden meaning. He knows my life isn't perfect, he's not supposed to know that.

This silence is unnerving. Come on, Weasley, say something.

"So, trade?" Ah, there it is. I know he wouldn't be able to last long.

"For heaven's sake! NO! You don't get to ask me that! You don't deserve an answer! _You_ abandoned _me _remember? _You_ chose to step out of my life, _after_ you chopped it up into pieces."

Silence. Again. Damn. That's not what I was going for.

"That doesn't mean I never stopped caring." He's whispering now, great. I can't believe he has the gall to say that!

"You're not allowed to care anymore, Weasley. You walked away from a life that would've been _way_ better than the one you're living. Maybe I hate my husband, maybe I think my daughter was born to make my life even more miserable, maybe I made the biggest mistake of my life ever letting _you_ walk into it and trample all over it, but you know what? At least _I'm_ not about to be shipped off to _Azkaban_!"

"...What?" He's staring at me now. What is his _problem_???

"You heard me, I'm not saying it again."

"Azkaban? Where the hell did you get _that_ from?" He's scoffing, that little bastard is _scoffing_ at _me_!

"Why else would you be here? Have you not turned into a full fledged criminal? Are you not here to attend a trial which I know you'll lose, mostly because you've never had a way with words?"

"One, there are several reasons for me to be here, two, no, I have not become a criminal, although a life like that may be a little more fun, and three, I have always had a way with words. I'm the most charming man you've ever met! Hell, I'm the most charming man anyone's ever met! Even if I were here for a trial, I'd just twist my way around it, they'd have no choice but to let me go."

"Pompous, arrogant, over-large ego, way too proud, I see you haven't changed a bit." Change the subject, change the bloody subject! There's no way he's telling the truth...but if he is, lets not dwell on the fact that I was wrong...

"I see you have."

"I'm not as easily manipulated as I used to be. You are certainly not '_charming_' your way back into my life."

"What makes you think I want to?"

"Why else would you be here, at 6 in the morning, in an elevator, with me?"

"I'm here for work." He says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

What in the...?

"Rubbish."

"Excuse me?"

"I don't believe you, you're lying." I look straight ahead, refusing to make eye contact with him.

It was then that I noticed that the lift had more or less stopped moving. Great, I'm stuck in a lift with one of my least favorite people in the world. I'd rather be in here with Ron and my devil daughter!

"No, I'm not. Why would I do that? You see right through me." That is true.

"You're trying to push my buttons."

"Please, I'm way past that stage. It wouldn't do me any good to get you pissed off at me."

"I'm already pissed off at you, just for being here, just for being alive."

"Well that's not nice at all. I'm serious, I swear, I officially work here."

"You expect me to believe that after disappearing off the face of the earth for 15 years, the Ministry has just randomly decided to hire you? As what? Garbage boy?"

"Do they even have a garbage boy here?"

I just glare at the wall in front of me, picturing myself punching his nose into his face.

He sighs and gives me a tired look, I'm looking at him from the corner of my eye. I stifle a sigh myself, it's a shame such good looks had to be wasted on such a pathetic waste of human space.

"Yes, I do expect you to believe that, because it's true. The Ministry has actually hired me, and not as anything...lower-class. In fact I'm a new Head"

"Really? Of what?" My voice is practically dripping with sarcasm, he doesn't hear it. Dammit.

"The Auror Office."

This time it's my turn for my face to lose its color. What? WHAT? _WHAT?_

I pause. "What?"

"You heard me." He says in a high pitched mimic of me. "I'm the new Head of the Auror Office."

"No, no you're not."

"Again with the disbelief?" He smirks at me. "Honestly, I'm a lot of things, but I'm no liar. You'd think someone who's known me for as long as you have would already know that."

I ignore his remark about me knowing him. "You can't be the Head of the Auror Office." I persist, what else do I do? He has to be lying! He can't be telling the truth! HE JUST CAN'T!

"And why is that, Hermione?"

"Because _I'm_ the Head! I've been the Head since Friday!" That sounds ridiculous, that literally means I've been the Head for three days, that's not a long time.

He stares at me as if I've gone mad.

"You're..._you're_ my partner?"

"Partner?!" I shriek. "No one said _anything_ about _partners_!"

"But..._you_? Why _you_?"

"Oh you shut up! At least you knew that you'd be working with someone! I had no idea! I thought it was just _me_! Least of all would I expect _you_ to ever be working here! You've been a prankster your entire life! You don't know how to be serious, how are you supposed to go around saving and protecting people's lives?"

"Well you're one to talk! All you've ever wanted to do is save bloody _elves_! Since when do you care about _humans_? You're barely one yourself!"

_THWACK_.

I couldn't help myself.

"OW! BLOODY HELL, HERMIONE! WHAT IN MERLIN'S NAME IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? THOSE THINGS HAVE BLOODY HEELS, YOU KNOW!" He rubbed his head.

Is that a bruise...? Wow, he swells fast.

I put my right, black, pencil-heel shoe back on, holding onto the wall for support.

"You were annoying me." I say simply, once again, honesty.

"I'm always annoying you." He's already back to his smirking, seriously, what's the point? It's like he _wants_ to get whacked.

"And that's a good thing?" I ask him.

He just shrugs and suddenly takes a strange interest in the lift buttons.

There's silence again. I take a deep breath, getting ready to re-open a crack that took me a long time to seal.

"I thought you'd get mad."

"What?" He loses interest in the buttons.

"I thought marrying Ron would make you come back, I actually thought I didn't have to go past getting engaged. But you never showed, so I had to go through with it. I've been with that man for 14 years, he still repulses me, even more so than he used to. He rarely leaves the house, when he does, it's to get more beer. When he's home, he practically ignores our children. We don't sleep in the same bed anymore, I'm the only one who works, he borrows money off Harry and then 'forgets' to pay him back, and then Harry takes it out on me. Every year, on our anniversary, he takes me out to some fancy schmancy dinner, gets drunk and sends me home with some waiter because he can't drive me back himself. He doesn't come back home for a week after that, and when he does, his pockets are full to the brim with various girl's phone numbers. And then he calls each and every one of them right in front of me. You'd think I'd get upset that my husband cheats on me days after our anniversary every year, but somehow, I honestly couldn't care less. And apparently neither can he."

He simply looks at me; his eyes have a wide range of emotions in them, sympathy, anger, jealousy, disbelief, pain and slight relief.

"And you haven't bothered with a divorce?"

I think about that one, how am I supposed to answer that? I don't want to tell him too much, just enough for him to realize what he's let me become. Everything that's happened to me, the good and the horrible, it's all because of him.

"He may be a horrible father and an even worse husband, but I'm not leaving my children without a father. The most he can muster with his excessive gambling is 15 galleons per fortnight, and that's just barely enough for the cost of diapers, clothes, food, cots, toys and a school fee. If I didn't have my job, we barely get by. And if I got a divorce, he'd leave, and I would have to become a stay-at-home mother, which wouldn't get us nearly enough money."

"So leave him, run away, be spontaneous, Hermione."

I raise my eyebrows at him and give him a weak smile, _I wish_.

"I will be damned before I leave my children unprotected with_ him_. My daughter may be a monster, but even she doesn't deserve to be raised by him. And my son, my sweet darling son, he's so fragile, he'd snap if he was left in Ron's care. He wouldn't be able to take care of them, he'd torture them to a point where they'd probably run away."

"This son of yours, what's his name?"

I hesitate, he's asking too many questions, how much should I tell him?

"Johnny." I finally reply, I honestly can't be bothered to keep it from him. "He's the most amazing person I've ever met, I would've left Ron by now if not for Johnny. He's my sanctuary, the only reason I don't sleep right here at the Ministry is the thought of him waiting at home for me, full of stories about his day at school. It's incredibly hard to separate us when we're together. He loves my daughter, he loves the idea of being an older brother, he helps out a lot with her. He's basically the only one I can count on in my life, I tell him everything." Too much, over-sharing, definitely over-sharing.

"And your daughter's name?" That's the only thing he can think of to say? I've just spilled most of my heart out to him, and he asks me about my demon daughter?

"Meredith."

"She sounds like a brunette."

"Her hair is the best thing about her, it's a beautiful mix of brown and red, she's got like maroon highlights in a dark shade of brown, darker than mine. Johnny's got hair almost exactly like mine, well the colour's the same, the texture is more like Ron's though."

"So he could pass off as my son?" What? What the hell?!

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm just curious."

I stare at him like an idiot. "Why do you even care?"

"I told you, I'm just wondering."

"Well I'm not answering that."

"Fine, I didn't expect you too anyway."

"So why'd you ask?"

"Just thought I'd try."

Seriously, I think at some point over the last decade and a half, he lost his last marble. What's he getting at?

Wait, woah, why is he getting closer to me. Hold on, that's the lift...why is the lift shrinking? Bloody hell! What's going on?! Merlin! It's pushing us closer together! ACK!

I scream, what else can I do? He grunts in reply, his arm is now very uncomfortably pressed up against mine.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING?" I yell.

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!"

What's that grinding noise? Woah, it's loud. Why is it getting louder? Are we stuck?

"WELL YOU SEEM TO THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ELSE!" I have to shout, he wouldn't be able to hear me otherwise.

"I'M NO MECHANIC! I DON'T KNOW HOW _LIFTS_ WORK!"

"AAAAAAHHHH!!!" We're dropping, we're dropping fast.

_WHAT'S HAPPENING?_

I clutch onto his arm, if I'm about to die, I'm not dying alone.

"It's okay! It's enchanted! Nothing's going to happen! Technical difficulties don't just _happen_ in places like the Ministry of Magic." Oh, right. I knew that.

I let go of his arm.

"Woah!" He yells, we've suddenly stopped.

The grinding is gone. It's completely silent. I look at the floor indicator; we're on floor -23. What the hell is that? There's no such thing!

Somehow, during the fall in the elevator, I've moved so I'm standing right in front of the obnoxious Weasley who, a few seconds ago, was right next to me. Our bodies are squashed together, it's most uncomfortable.

"So, you were saying about this not ending like our previous arguments?" Oh that little twat.

"Oh, shut up." I reach up to slap his face, but I can't squeeze my arm out from between our bodies. Jesus, why does this have to happen _now_? Why _me_?!

"Nice try." He smirks down on me, his face looming over me.

I forgotten how soft his lips looked, they always seemed so...inviting. And those _eyes_, they look so similar to Ron's, but different, more...handsome. They're beautiful, a dark brown, quite like my hair, only it has a majestic kind of feel to it, unlike my hair.

What am I thinking?? His lips are NOT _inviting_! His eyes are NOT _handsome_, and he certainly is NOT _majestic_! What is wrong with me?

"So...this is interesting." He comments, looking up at the ceiling, a meter above his head.

"No, this is annoying. And tiresome, and plain pathetic."

"Of course _you_ would think that, you've never been one for adventures, have you?"

"Not deadly ones."

"Oh please, have you ever heard of _magic_? Of all wizard deaths, I don't think a single one of them are caused by _elevators_."

"Whatever." I roll my eyes, suddenly my body goes numb.

Why am I falling to the floor? Bloody hell! What's happened to my limbs? Why can't I feel anything?!

He catches me. I'm about to hit the floor, his arm goes around my back, stopping me just in time.

"What was that?" I breathe.

"I'm guessing one of your paranoia attacks."

"You remember those?"

He chuckles. "How can anyone forget the time you started spazzing out in the middle of your graduation speech?"

"That was NOT funny!" This time I manage to sock him in the arm.

The numbness is gone, I can feel again. What is happening to me? I'm not _that_ paranoid! I knew I wasn't actually going to die! Jeez, you'd think I was actually under a spell today to have everything that could possibly go wrong, go wrong, just to me.

Why is he leaning closer, oh my god, what's he doing? I can smell his breath! Wow...that's nice...way better than Ron's at least...wait, no! What's he doing? HOLY-!

"What're you doing?!" I scream in his face.

His eyes widen, he pulls me up again, I notice the lift is still reduced to half it's size.

"Nothing." He mutters and looks away.

Damn, now I feel bad. Mostly because I know that if he kissed me, I would let him go on. I wouldn't stop him if he started. But that's okay, because I got him to stop _before_ he started.

"You can't do that to me, you know what it does to me."

"And that's a bad thing?" He mocks, once again putting on that high-pitched mimic of me.

"It is now, you've lost your chance, Weasley. Get over it."

"No."

I look up at him, I am still squeezed to his chest, and it's really uncomfortable and completely throws off the message I'm trying to convey. Why did the lift have to shrink? Since when does it even _do_ that? And why _now_?!

"I never got over it, Hermione. I never got over _you_. Finding out that you had married my brother was the most...traumatic thing I've ever had to endure."

"Really? Was it worse than losing your twin? Was it worse than finding out that your eldest brother had turned to the dark side? Was it worse than realizing what a pig your youngest brother became?" Harsh, but still, he deserves it. He's not allowed to sweet talk me anymore, he can 'woo' himself back into my heart, it's just not fair.

He pauses and just looks at me. "Yes."

"Well, that's wonderful for you."

"No, it's not actually."

"Listen here mister, and listen good this time. _This_," I gesture to the two of us "isn't going to work anymore. We lost our chance, you walked out on it. It was too much for you. That's the upside to being with Ron, if he left me, I wouldn't care, my heart wouldn't break because he never took it to begin with. I married him so I wouldn't be alone for the rest of my life; I thought we had a future, that's why I never considered Ron. But you left me with no choice, no other option. And now, I've finally come to cope with this life. I love my son, I love my job, I'm on the way to loving my daughter, and I am most certainly not going to let you ruin that. You've taken enough from me."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, _that was a mouthful_.

"I'd give it all back, Hermione. I swear."

"Well guess what, Fred Weasley? You can't."

AN: **So there you have it, my second Hermione/Fred, hopefully I did this amazing couple justice **** Please tell me if that was just a waste of time or if I should continue with another chapter, I already have ideas so it shouldn't take too long :D**

**3  
XD**


	2. What's The Worst That Could Happen?

**What In The...?**

AN: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Just to clear some stuff up: **AwesomeNinjaTaco**, I switched it around so George was the one who died, when Hermione said 'was it worse than losing your twin?', she was referring to the fact that George died in the battle. **Physics_chick**, heehee, I couldn't help myself, I've never liked Ron :P **Scooby**, the first chapter wasn't supposed to be a one-shot, that was just the ending to the first chapter, thanks though anyway :) So here would be the second (and probably last) part to this story!

Chapter 2 - **What's the worst that could happen?**

_Well that was traumatizing_, was the first thing I thought when I finally reached home. Apparently, Hermione hasn't changed in the slightest over the past decade and still doesn't understand the meaning of _partnership_. I spent literally the entire day being constantly squashed under her thumb, which may have something to do with the fact that she actually knew what she was doing, but that is besides the point. She wouldn't let me do a damned thing! She gave me all the orders she was supposed to give her secretary. _She_ sent me off on missions as if I were just some common ordinary Auror _and_ she actually _confiscated_ my wand! And all because of one charm I couldn't resist casting on bloody Draco Malfoy.

And I've never loved her more.

Everything she did that day just made my heart beat faster, her constant snapping...she looked so beautiful, her orders...that fiery look in her eyes, and best of all, the fact that she _didn't_ try to get me fired. Which either means that she has no problem with me being there, which is just so plainly not true, or she actually wants me to be there, a fact that pleases me to no limit. How was any normal wizard supposed to resist chasing after something like that? Especially me, I can resist everything except temptation, it's a known rule about me. Everyone's aware of it, including Hermione Granger.

By the time I had my my microwavable dinner set and laid out in front of me, I had made my resolution; by tomorrow, I would _not_ be the only who's heart beat exceeded the norm, Hermione would fall back in love with me again...that is, if she ever managed to get up again after the last time.

Memories of that last time I saw her besides today flooded through my head, and to my horror, I felt my eyes well up, I thought was past that stage.

_"...What? What?" Hermione croaked, she looked up at me with those big brown eyes. "That isn't funny Fred, you can't say that."_

_"I'm so sorry Hermione, but this isn't some kind of sick joke. I wish it was, trust me, I really really do. I don't even know why I have to do this, but I know that I do."_

_"What does that even mean?"_

_"I swear to Merlin, if I had any other choice, I wouldn't leave you, but the thing is I don't have another choice."_

_"What are you talking about?!"_

_"I have to go, Hermione. I'm sorry."_

_"But why you? Ron's staying, George is still here, as far as I know, Bill and Charlie are still where they're supposed to be_._ I know for a fact Percy is still at the Ministry. Why do you have to go?"_

_"I don't know. I really don't. But I have to."_

_"No, I will not let you go until you give me a proper reason for taking away the one thing I love most in my life."_

_"I can't, Hermione. I wish I could tell you, but I've been forbidden. I made the Unbreakable Vow to not tell anyone."_

_"That doesn't include me."_

_"Yes, yes it does. And this is all my fault, I over-heard some stuff I wasn't supposed to. I walked in on what was supposed to be a confidential meeting. They couldn't just let me go without making sure that it would stay a secret. Me telling you even this much is almost pushing it."_

_"Fred, listen very carefully, you are _not_ leaving me. I will _not_ let you, not after all of this."_

_"I have to go, Hermione. It's not safe for me here anymore, I know too much."_

_"So share the burden, tell me, Fred!"_

_"Hermione, I can't! I really wish I could! If I stay here, I will die. And there is no way I'm putting you in danger too because of my idiocy."_

_"I've known you for too long for me to still be affected by your stupidity, Fred."_

_I sighed and took her face in my hands._

_"No matter what happens, Hermione, I will always love you. There is a chance you may never see me again, I may die anyway. But in spite of all of that, nothing, and I do mean _nothing_, will ever change the way I feel about you. There is not a single charm on the earth or a single person who can cast an Imperius Curse strong enough for me to ever stop loving you."_

_"So why in Merlin's name are you leaving me?"_

_"Because I'll put your life in danger."_

_"I don't care, if I'm going to die before my time, I _want_ you to be the last person I see and love. I want you there with me, and if you - if _anyone_ dares taking you away from me, I want to be there to see it. I want to be there to know who the first person I'm ever going to kill is. I will not let you just leave."_

_"Hermione, stop it. I have to."_

_"Is this why you've been acting so distant for the past week?" Okay, so she noticed, my bad._

_"I haven't been distant! I've been everything but!"_

_"You've never kissed me that much in one day before, is this why? Have you been trying to salvage what time you have left?"_

_I looked down, ashamed to meet her eyes._

_"Yes, and I'm sorry. I should've told you sooner. It wasn't fair for me to keep this to myself, you had a right to know. But I'm telling you now."_

_I could feel her staring at me, those beautiful eyes of hers boring into my head. Eventually, I had to look at her, I had to see her, I had to see what I was leaving behind, and for what? The pathetic-ness that is my life._

_"When - When...are you going?"_

_"The break of dawn."_

_"As in tomorrow?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Did you mean what you said about there being a chance I may never see you again?"_

_"Hermione, the stuff I know, it's dangerous. It's deadly, there are people who would kill for this information."_

_"There are people who would kill you." It was a statement, one that I wished to Merlin wasn't true._

_"Yes. And if I told you, they'd kill you too. And I would never forgive myself if anything bad happened to you and it was because of me."_

_"So don't tell me! Just stay! I can live my entire life not knowing about this entire thing!"_

_"These people will still kill me! And these aren't just your ordinary goons we're talking about here! These are people who will use bait, and you're the best thing anyone could ever use against me."_

_"Let them come, no one is taking you away from me. And that's final."_

_"It's not like I want to leave, Hermione! I never thought this day would come, I envisioned us sharing the rest of our lives together! Please don't make this harder than it has to be. This will be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do in my entire life, I promise you that. Just remember, I will always love you, no matter what happens."_

_"And I will always love you."_

_I kissed her, and this time, I took my time, it was slow, it was passionate, it was everything I wished our entwined lives could be. It was dark, so I didn't see her tears streaming down her face, but when our lips met, I felt her tears on my face, and then I realised that I was crying too. I didn't realise quite how hard this would be, I had some idea, but I would've never imagined anything could be this painful._

_After what seemed like an hour, we finally pulled apart, reluctant and panting._

_"I guess that's that then." And with that, Hermione turned and walked away, as far as I knew at that time, that would've been the last time I would ever see her._

_She was almost out of sight when I heard the most horrendous thing I ever could, Hermione let out a wail, it was soft, it was hurt and it was painful enough to make my already broken heart crumble. I fell to the floor, I could feel the cement of the Hogwarts corridor under my knees, I put my face in my hands and wept every single last drop of water out of my body. I had just lost the most important thing in my life._

Snapping out of my reverie, I changed my mind, tomorrow was too far away.

---

"I'm home!" I called, shoving the house keys back into my coat pocket.

Of course, it was raining, the perfect ending to a perfect day. I had met the person I hated most in this world that morning, I got stuck in an elevator, of all things, with him for over two hours, I was forced to work with him for the next dozen hours and finally, when I leave what used to be my favorite place on Earth, I walk out of the Ministry to find that it was _raining_.

I returned home to the familiar sound of the television blaring from the next room and the obvious shadow of Ron's overlarge stomach and his mandatory packet of chips in his hand. As usual, next to him was a cot containing a screaming baby girl, and judging on the pitch and frequency of her cries, she was hungry, but how was Ron supposed to know that? That idiot doesn't know anything except what the bloody Quidditch score is. I heard that same noise, the only noise that made my life worthwhile, I heard the soft pitter-patter of Johnny's footsteps running down the stairs, getting ready to jump in my arms.

"Hi mommy! Guess what happened today?" He yelled happily as he leaped into my waiting arms.

I cradled his soft body close to my chest, reminding myself as I did everyday that there was a reason I didn't walk back out that door to find someone else who didn't want to make me vomit every time I laid eyes on them. This, Johnny, was the reason why I never left Ron, he was the reason I didn't jump off the roof of this failure of a house, the love I feel for him makes up for what I should've felt for Ron the day I married him.

"What's that?" I smile down on him, carrying him into the living room, purposefully walking in front of the television and ignoring Ron's protests.

"I made a new friend today!"

"Really?" This actually surprised me, despite how amazing Johnny is, he doesn't tend to make a lot of friends. Johnny goes to a Muggle school, and though he never gets mad or angry, he does get scared often, and unlike other kids who pee in their pants when in a case of fear and/or horror, strange things start happening around Johnny. One time lockers started banging like crazy outside his classroom, sometimes the kids who pick on them suddenly realise that they aren't stuffing his head down a toilet and are instead on the the roof of the school, scared out of their wits. At first his classmates thought he was some kind of hero, then they slowly started getting scared of him, fearing that he would randomly make something horrible happen to _them_.

"Yeah! He came to my school today! He's older than us, he's kind of your age. He was super nice to all of us! But listen to this, mommy; he was nicer to me than _anyone_ else! Why isn't he scared of me, mommy?"

"Because he must be a smart little cookie and understand you would never harm a soul." I touch his nose with my finger and he giggles and shies away into my chest. "He must have more brains than the rest of your classmates, he has no reason to be scared of you."

At the time, I had no idea who this mystery man is. I genuinely thought someone had come in to be one of their guest speakers and happened to notice Johnny's brilliance and was specially attracted to him, once you know my son, it's hard not getting attached to him. I wouldn't give a split second thought to the fact that maybe my life and Johnny's were a little more entwined that I would've been comfortable with.

"But he was like really nice to me! I got more attention from him than anyone else!"

"Yes, because you're more special than anyone else in your class, Johnny."

"Does he know what I can do, mommy?"

"Well I hope not, that would be very...discomforting."

"Why?"

"Some people aren't exactly very nice to our kind, darling. They, like your classmates, don't understand us. They think we will harm them, this man, this new friend of yours, probably has no idea about you."

I set Johnny down next to Meredith's cot and pull a bottle filled with milk from the cabinet next to me and hand it to her. Her cries immediately faded to muffled sobs as she started drinking to her heart's content, soon she was silent. Thank god.

"I think he does, mommy."

"Why is that?"

"Because today, before Aunt Ginny took me home, before school ended, he told me that we're one of a kind. He told me we both loved the same girl, but in different ways. He said we both had the same secret, he also said that he was looking forward to seeing you again. Do you know him, mommy?"

My face had lost it's colour by now. "Sweetheart, you haven't told me who he is yet. What's his name? What did he look like?" My voice was strained and slightly desperate.

"He didn't tell me his name, he said you'd tell me. And if you didn't figure it out, he'd tell me tomorrow."

"What did you call him the entire day, then?" I didn't mean to sound harsh or rude, but I was getting scared.

If that man _touched_ my son...

"He told me to call him Ginger."

Oh. My. God. That was my nickname for him, that was our secret. No one else knew it. It couldn't have been anyone else.

"Sweetheart," I had to be sure. "What did Ginger look like?"

"He had red hair, kind of like daddy's. Actually, he looked a lot like daddy. But he was taller, and he didn't have a big tummy."

Unfortunately, that was when my darling hubby decided to listen into our conversation, maybe it had something to do with the sickly green colour of my face.

"What you two goin' on about, now, eh?"

"Nothing." I said, not looking at him.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Well how'd your day go, then?" I knew he didn't really care, but I couldn't resist, I had to mess with him.

"It was my first day as Head, apparently it's a partnership. I had no idea."

"Who's your partner then?"

"Oh no one, I just met him this morning, I was surprised as hell. But I'll get used to it."

"Who was it?"

I turned to look at him, he obviously didn't have the same courtesy. He was still glued to the current Quidditch game on the tele, but I saw his eyes constantly darting in my direction.

"You don't care, trust me, it's no one."

"Well, that's new. You never don't tell me nothin', even that time Harry tried makin' a move on you. Now you have t'tell me."

"Ron, just go back to your game, let me talk to my son, since you clearly can't be bothered to."

"Hey, now tha's not true!"

"Yes, it is."

"Just tell me, 'Mione, or I'll beat it out of you."

I knew I was signing Fred's death certificate, but technically, when he decided to get to me through my _son_, he told practically told Death to take him himself.

"Fine, I'll give you clues. Red hair, better-looking than you."

"Comin' up blank."

I sighed, he could literally guess anyone of his several brothers.

"I used to date him."

"Well, that's strange. You've only ever been with two people, me and - " An then realisation decided to bang him on the head.

"There you go." I turn back to Johnny, was, as usual, minded his own business and was rather occupied making faces at his baby sister, not even caring that all he received in return were cold glares.

"WHAT?! But no! That git is DEAD! NO!" He blew up, I knew it would come eventually, and now I'd have to suffer through it.

"I thought so too, you'd think he'd at least have the decency to show up before now. But yeah, I met him in the Ministry this morning. He's somehow managed to scrap himself up a job as Head of the Auror Office."

"Head of the Auror Office? I thought they disbanded that job after what happened to Neville?"

"Ron, do you not listen to _anything_ I ever tell you? I got promoted on Friday to Head of the Auror Office! Today was my first day."

"Wait, _Fred_ is your new partner?" I think it's safe to say that by that point, his Quidditch game was completely forgotten about.

"Yup, I'm not too thrilled about it either."

"Are you messing with me? Because I swear to god, Hermione, if you are -"

"Oh please, I'm a little more inventive that that. Like pretending your arch-nemesis has returned from the dead would be nearly satisfying enough for me." That was a lie, I would never even think of that to begin with.

"This is ridiculous! That man died YEARS AGO! HE CAN'T BE BACK NOW!! NO! HE'LL SCREW UP EVERYTHING JUST LIKE HE DID LAST TIME!!"

See here's the one thing I can always count on Ron for, we both share the same hate towards his brother. He hates him for stealing me away for years, and I hate him for leaving me after those years. It's the only thing we have in common.

"Well get over it, he's back."

Ron struggled to get out of his armchair, attempting to heave himself off it several times before finally succeeding and falling over flat on his face right in front of the television set.

Johnny, who had heard the huge _thud_ turned from Meredith to see his father lying on the floor. We shared a look and suddenly both burst into fits of laughter. After a few minutes, when I was still in strong and never-ending giggles, and my hands were clutching my stomach, Ron managed to get up into a sitting position and glared at us with a look could possibly kill. Johnny had enough sense to at least attempt to calm down, but I didn't, I just continued laughing, wiping tears away from my eyes.

"Right, that's it!" Ron grabbed the table nearest to him and used it to pull himself up. He hobbled over to me and grabbed the front of my shirt. By that time, my laughter had brought me down to my knees. But Ron had enough strength in him to pull me up so my feet were dangling in the air. He bellowed into my face. "YOU WILL STOP LAUGHING, GRANGER! THIS IS NOT FUNNY! IT IS YOUR OWN BLOODY FAULT I CAN'T MOVE! YOU DON'T FEED ME WELL ENOUGH!! SO STOP TRYING TO PROVE THAT YOUR SMARTER THAN ME WHEN WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE NOT! GET INTO THAT BLOODY KITCHEN AND _MAKE ME MY DINNER_!!"

Just then, the doorbell rang. _Who in the hell could that be?_ I did what I usually did when he tried to act all intimidating, I kneed Ron's groin. He dropped me instantly and doubled over in pain, groaning louder than should be human. I rushed to the door before Ron had the time to start beating me up.

I opened the door to a familiar sight.

"You are dead." I muttered darkly to the man before me.

---

"YOU SON OF A FREAKIN' -"

"Hermione, calm down, we are still within ear-shot of minors." Fred pointed back at the house, I turned and saw Johnny standing by the doorway obediently.

After casting a particularly clever charm I had made up myself after the first few years of my marriage on Ron, I had asked Johnny as politely as I could if he could stand guard and make sure Ron doesn't leave the house, but it was hard keeping a straight face when Fred Weasley was standing at my doorway and I honestly couldn't feel anything but pure resentment towards that man.

I walked a little faster away from the house, across the road to the other side of the street and then started slowing down, I looked back to see Fred just a pace behind me. I wrapped my raincoat a little tighter around me, not even caring about my hair getting wetter and wetter every passing second.

"So, you were saying?" He asked me, his voice calm and controlled, unlike mine.

"What the hell were you thinking?! He's a little boy! He's 7!! How could you use him like that?! And that shit about you two loving the same girl! You must've confused him silly! What is your problem?!"

"See? It worked didn't it?"

"What worked?!" I demanded.

"It got your attention."

"Fred, _all_ of my thoughts since this morning have been directed at you and how unfair life is. I literally don't have the space in my head to think about anything else! You didn't need the extra attention!"

"Hm, you've been thinking about me all morning?"

"Yes. And how best to torture you tomorrow."

"You think sending me around on a billion different insane orders was torture for me? Hermione, I haven't had that much fun in the last 15 years! Today was better than I could've ever imagined!" Okay, that didn't work.

"Really? Is that a fact?" What else what I supposed to say?

"Yes, it is. Just seeing you, talking to you, hell, you talking back to me. I didn't think you'd give me even that. I didn't think you would've thought I deserved it."

"Oh, I don't. I still don't realise why I didn't just ask Rufus to fire you, I thought maybe I could make you quit yourself, clearly that isn't going to work."

"Neither would talking to Scrimgeour."

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you want to know where I've been for the past decade and a half?"

"Fred, I've gotten past that stage. Those five years of my life are over, those mornings where I would walk to the Great Hall, expecting to see you sitting there, waiting for me as if you never left. Those nights where I would lie awake until 4 in the morning wondering what I did wrong for you to leave me. Those days where I'd have to endure those sympathetic looks from _everyone_, even the Slytherins, who passed me in the hallway. Even McGonagall called me into her office 5 times in the next month, asking how I was doing. That all stopped after five years when I gave up on looking out my window every other hour, hoping to see you riding on your broom straight to me to rescue me from the hell I'm living. So no, I don't want to know, I don't care anymore." My voice was almost completely choked up after all that, and I could feel a lump forming in my throat.

I looked to my side to see Fred's eyes glistening, his face pale in the moonlight and his hair sopping wet around his face. I didn't even have the energy in me anymore to ponder how anyone, though completely damp, could still look that good. His tears were threatening to spill over his face, but I knew that even if they did, I wouldn't realise, they would just blend in with the rain water. In one quick movement, he swivelled around in front of me, stopping me in my tracks.

"Hermione, I know apologies could never make up for what I did to you. I honestly didn't believe it would hurt you that much. I thought you'd get over me after a while. A month tops, but I could never have imagined that you'd still be in pain for half a decade. I swear to Merlin, if I could take it all back, I would. I know you don't want to hear it, but I'm going to tell you where I went anyway and why I had to leave you."

I looked away but he used his hand to push my head back so I could look very clearly into his eyes, those beautiful dark green-grey eyes, a Weasley trademark.

"I overheard my father talking to Scrimgeour in the Burrow that Christmas. Don't you remember? When I left the room to go to the kitchen and when I came back I was so struck I wouldn't say anything? And you got so mad at me you didn't talk to me for an hour?"

I nodded, I did remember that, it was the first time I'd ever suspected something off going on in Fred's life.

He took a deep breath. "When I went to the kitchen, dad and Rufus were there talking about...well, the vow's broken anyway, so I may as well tell you now. They were talking about dad...leaving the Ministry. He was...he was under the Imperius curse, he wanted to become a Death Eater. Well, Voldermort wanted him to become one. He had Charlie under one too, and he made him make a vow that he'd never leave the Dark Side. What no one knows, even to this day, is that dad cast an Imperius curse on Rufus that day, and I walked in on them just in time to hear him say it. I tried to stop him but it was too late. They double-tagged me and made me swear not to tell anyone. After that, they figured it was safe enough to continue talking as if I were never there. They, Voldermort's side, were planning an attack on the Order. They had this...weapon, I'm not quite sure what, but from what I gathered, it was a human. It wasn't Harry, this person was someone else, just your ordinary everyday wizard who had no life and no one knew about. Apparently that's what made this person so special. They planned on using him to spy on the Order, and everything he or she told them, they would use against us, to their own advantage.

"Hermione, dad had the dark mark on his arm that night. Seeing him like that, with this glassy far-off look in his eyes, he was so...evil, it was without a doubt the scariest experience I've ever had to endure. I felt like he was going to turn around at any second and just kill me, and no one would ever know what happened. This person, this tool, they were going to make him become like best friends with Harry or something then have him lure Harry to the Malfoy Manor and kill him once and for all. By that time, Voldermort didn't even care about letting Harry have some grand death, he just wanted him dead. And then...then they realise I was still in the room. They thought they could get me to...to _lure_ Harry to his worst enemy. What they didn't realise was that I had mastered the art of non-verbal spells and I deflected all the charms they tried using on me. Eventually they gave up and went back to talking about their plans. What they decided in the end was to get Scrimgeour to introduce the two of them and make all the professors at Hogwarts force them together. Listening to this was torture enough, but when Scrimgeour finally left, dad turned back to me. He told me that if I uttered a single word of that to _anyone_, he would laugh at my dead corpse when I made that mistake. And then he _Crucio'd_ me. It was...painful."

"Oh my god, _Arthur_ cast the Cruciatus Curse on you?"

"Yes, and that fact hurt a lot more than the actually spell."

I couldn't help myself, that look on his face, the tears rolling down his cheek, clearly just recalling this experience was hurting him enough. I could only imagine how many times he would lay awake at night thinking about this, I threw my arms up around his neck, burying my head in his shoulder. He bent down and hugged me back, his arms tight around my waist. I was crying with him now too, our sobs were constant and somehow in perfect unison with each other.

It felt so right to be in his arms again, to be loved again. It was then that I realised just how much I needed him, pretending I had gotten over him, acting like I didn't care about him anymore, it was all pointless, he knew as well as I that no matter what happened, neither of us would _ever_ stop loving each other

Finally, after what seemed like ages, our cries vanished, leaving behind tear-stained cheeks which soon also disappeared with the rain.

"Not that that isn't bad enough, hell, it's a lot worse than I ever thought possible, but why did you have to go?" I had to know, it wasn't enough for me to know why he barely spoke to me for weeks after that horrible Christmas.

"Apparently, darling daddy figured having me around was too dangerous, so he 'let it slip' that I had information about Voldermort's plans and that he was planning on hurting an innocent person to get to Harry. Of course the Order didn't bother wondering how dad knew all of that, they just went straight for me, demanding to know what I knew. When I told them I couldn't tell them, the got pissed, like all of them, like _really_ pissed. The looks on their faces...well, it's the second scariest memory I have. They thought I was a traitor, don't you remember when I refused to go to the meeting? Do you remember how they glared at me every time we passed one of them? Dad was one of them, pretending he too felt betrayed by me, pretending I had information that could potentially save Harry and that he had no idea what it was even though he was one of them people who came up with it. They thought I was influencing you, they told me to stay away from you. I told them to shove it, and then they got murderous. Lupin and Tonks tried on several occasions to force the information out of me, but I managed to escape. Do you remember when Moody 'visited' Minerva? He wasn't really, he was convinced I had become a Dark Wizard, and you know how he gets with those. So basically he had come to kill me."

My breath hitched, I did remember that, I had no idea at the time...I had dinner with him, I was _nice_ to him, I shared _laughter_ with him...he was probably just testing me, the little (yet now dead) bastard.

"That was the same day I told you I had to leave. When I found out that he came to you, I got scared. It dawned on me then that they would stop at nothing. So I ran. That's the thing with me, the thing you always told me was my fatal flaw, when things get tough, when it gets too much for me, when I panic, I run away from my problems, assuming that when I come back, they'll have gone. I tried coming back Hermione, several times, but I always found them there, waiting for me, unlike you. I almost wished you were on their side, maybe then it would've been easier leaving you if I knew you wanted me dead anyway. When dad and Scrimgeour found out I had left and had apparently disappeared off the face of the Earth, they told the Dark Side, they assumed I was looking for someone to tell, and soon they wanted me dead too. So basically I had both sides behind my tail, and that just caused my fear to rise. So I ran harder and faster than I ever had before, and it worked, for about three years. After living like a homeless criminal for 35 months, I decided it was too much. So I went to the Ministry and told everyone I could trust that Scrimgeour was under the Imperius Curse, most of them demanded for my immediate removal from the premises, but eventually I got Kingsley to believe me. He did a little investigating and found out I was telling the truth. It took a while for him to convince the Order that I was innocent the whole time, yes I had information, but I swore not to say a word. He told them about dad too, and he was instantly chucked into Azkaban. But then there was the problem of the Dark Side, the Order already had Harry in hiding, and that itself was troublesome enough. Moody, in a poor payment of trying to kill me, came up with the idea of making me a secret Auror. They had me pretend that before dad was sent to prison, he put me under the Imperius Curse and I wanted to turn to the Dark Side."

"So for the past decade and a half...?

"I've been a spy for the Order, working with Voldermort, and then becoming his successor after he died. Know one even noticed that after I joined more and more Death Eaters seemed to be disappearing. I'd been giving their locations away to the Order and no one once suspected me. A couple of months ago, I 'arranged' a meeting between every single Death Eater still left, and an hour after all of them reached our secret _'evil'_ lair, I had every single Auror I could think of raid in on them, I never showed, it was too risky. There were few who managed to escape, and I spent the last three months tracking them down one by one. Oh, and something I should mention, about 7 or 8 years ago, the Department of the Reversing of Unforgivable Curses managed to get the Imperius Curse off Scrimgeour, when he was told he'd been working for Voldermort for all those years, he was so aghast, he was disgusted with himself and dad, who too had the curse taken off him. But he was eternally grateful for me, and when I finally got rid of every remaining Death Eater he figured that was a feat worthy of the new Head of the Auror Office. But then he told me that there was someone else who deserved it as much as me, and that this person was indirectly responsible for everything I've managed to do. It was only this morning when I found that that person was you."

It was silent for a while, we just looked at each other, listening to the soft _plops_ the rain made on the gravel.

"Why didn't anyone tell me? If the entire Order knew, why didn't I? Why was I, the only one who would've believed you from the start, not aware of where you were, or if you _were_ even anywhere, when everyone else who wanted you dead did know? How is that fair?"

"Hermione, nothing about what's happened since the last time I saw you is fair, none of this makes any sense, I've never been involved in this stuff to such a degree, I had no idea what it was like. But now I do, and now it's all behind me. I'm starting my life anew, Hermione. And there is nothing I want more than for you to be in it. Come on, what's the worst that could happen?"

"You could leave me again. I wouldn't be able to stand it the second time around, I barely made it through the first time."

"I would never let that happen. These past few years have been the hardest of my entire life, I don't _ever_ plan on letting myself or you go through that again."

I let my train of thoughts follow along that line. I scoffed.

"What?" He asked me, probably confused out of his mind.

"Am I a sucker for punishment? Seriously, because despite all of this, despite everything you've put me through..._I believe you_. I believe everything you just said, I believe you won't leave me again, I believe you want to live the rest of your life with me. But why? What _is it_ about you that just makes me want to die and soar at the same time?"

"Maybe it's my way with words. I am inhumanely charming, aren't I?"

"And you just had to involve my son in all of this, didn't you? You had to use him to get to me."

"Hey, you know what they say, the way to a woman's heart is to use what's already close to her."

"Who says that?"

"Me."

I laugh.

"Fred Weasley, you are without a doubt the most manipulative, vindictive person I've ever met in my entire life." I put my hands on either side of his wet cheeks. "And I love you for it."

And then, for the first time in 15 years, I kissed Fred Weasley, and I've never felt better.

**AN: **And there you have it, this was without a doubt the longest chapter I _have ever _written, like ever. It's longer than a lot of my stories too. But I was determined not to chicken out like I did with Make Me, I was _going_ to make sure this remained a two-chapter story. But if anyone thinks I should split it, I'd be more than happy to.  
I've just uploaded a prequel to this story called 'For The Record, I Blame You', and it basically just shows how their relationship started. And the second last line here 'you are without a doubt the most manipulative, vindictive person I've ever met in my entire life' will only make sense to you if you've read that, it's kind of an inside joke :)  
So, I'm sorry if this was a little too long and it felt like I dragged it out too much, but still, even cruel criticism is fine with me, so basically...  
All reviews are loved and appreciated!

**^_^  
XD**


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